T minus 396 days

Four days closer to 40 and what's a girl to do? Go to a Gay Pride Parade, of course! My 16 year old daughter and I met my favorite all boy couple in Durham for the state's twenty-fifth annual Pride Parade. I can't believe in all my almost 40 years I have never been to a Pride Parade. It was a treat to see the costumes and the floats; it was especially enjoyable to see groups of people getting to be just who they are. The most difficult part of the day for me was the protestors. I can usually be a sort of low key person, but the amount of anger stirred by the anti gay activist forced me to say a few things out loud and right in their face. Carrying their signs and holding a Bible, they condemned all the homosexuals to hell. One dressed in a "Jesus Saves" orange shirt declared, "This is serious. You are going to burn in hell." Another overweight man who was managing a banner that stated "Aids is a homosexual's punishment", shouted a rather crude comment to man with an unruly German Shepherd, "No matter what you do that dog isn't going to take it up the ass." And this man calls himself a Christian. Don't sign me up for that church! After those negative Christian interactions, it was nice to see plenty of Christian representation in the parade. The parade director did have his/her fun...right in the middle of the churches marched the Triangle Athiest Meetup Group. A litle bit of forced irony never hurt anybody; it just might make you think. Can't we all just get along?!?

T minus 400 days

I am five days closer to 40…what’s a girl to do? Keep busy is what I say. I have used the last five days spending time with family and friends…the important stuff. I do believe that is just the most important events of our day; the moments we get to spend with our dear ones. I knew this for a long time, even before the reason I know it now. This weekend I participated in an Asthma Walk. For the second year I a row, my kids and I put on our purple t-shirts with their homemade design and walked a 5K. My friends put on their purple t-shirts as well and joined us on the walk. This year we added purple balloons and tiaras along with our purple & pink ribbons pinned on our shirts. We walked, we talked, we laughed along the way and the whole time, in the back of our minds, we remembered why we were there. My daughter, my baby girl of just six, died as the result of an asthma attack just last summer. It was and remains the worst event of my life. I miss her everyday in every way. As I get closer to 40, I cannot imagine that I will miss her any less. As busy as I try to stay, the moments of pain, of clarity of what her departure means to me, hit me and I can hardly breathe…but I continue to walk.

I begin my blog today. In just a short 400 days, I will be 40 and I am going kicking and screaming. I don't want to be 40. I just don't. That makes me old and I am pretty sure I will not make a good old person. Maybe if I blog about it for the next 400 days I can slow down time a bit. What do you think? One of my best friends (who just turned 40) says to think of it as a new lease on life...a starting over point.. She said she had the most absolute worst 30's so the 40's had to be better. Guess I will see how it goes for her and hopefully gain some insight into how to put a positive spin on this milestone.
I was going to share my day today..this T minus 400 and counting day..but I really don't know if I have the energy. I ended up being quite angry at a dear friend of mine and that makes me feel horrible. He is actually the friend that encouraged this blog so to start the first one with such negatively toward him just doesn't seem fair. Maybe tomorrow? See how I feel after a night's sleep.
On this blog, I will reflect on my almost 40 years. I will share current stories. And I will relate my hopes for next decade of my life. I'll put it all together and call it my life.